Dwelling in the Mysteries of This Journey

We’re in a season of neediness. Bea needs me to walk her to school, to pick her up, to sit beside her as she does homework. Elle needs me to read with her, to get her dressed, to make her lunch, to put her to bed.

IMG_5757These are needy times and it’s easy to imagine life when they can make their own lunches and do their own homework. (Does that ever happen?) But even in the midst of this intense time, the patronizing voice of moms farther along can be grating: Just hang in there. It gets better! Don’t worry moms of littles, this terrible season doesn’t last!

While I’m eagerly anticipating independence, I don’t think this is a terrible season. I know I’ll miss the days of neediness. Of snuggling on the couch and holding hands as we walk home from school. I’ll miss the ease in which secrets are shared and words of comfort are accepted.

I was reading Jan L. Richardson’s In the Sanctuary of Women this morning and she offers this blessing:

That you may have
the wisdom to know the story
to which God calls you,
the power to pursue it,
the courage to abide in its mysteries,
and love in every step.

This blessing can be applied to so much of my life right now, but today I’m choosing to frame it in this season of motherhood. That I may be wise to this story of raising small humans and that I may remember to love every step of this mysterious journey.

How does this blessing speak to your particular season? How are you learning to dwell in the mysteries and love every step of this journey?

Linked with Five Minute Friday, a time to write without editing. Today’s prompt is “accept.”

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Creating Boundaries and Finding Balance

We’re doing the Whole30 reset again. Not because we don’t know what we need to do to eat healthfully but because, without rules and a commitment, it’s easy to cheat and let things slide. There is always a special occasion; always a reason to splurge. This time around isn’t as stressful since we continued to make many of the recipes throughout this past year. It also isn’t as fun since we kinda know how we’re going to feel – and that we’ll most likely get off track again by this time next year.

CreatingBoundariesandFindingBalanceI’m still glad we’re doing it though. It’s a reminder that resets are necessary. That even when we know what’s good for us, boundaries are necessary. I have a feeling that most of us are like that, whether or not it’s about the food we eat. We have indulgences and habits that aren’t bad, in and of themselves, but perhaps aren’t the best.

I was reminded of this with my reading habits the other day. I often lean toward nonfiction genres and this year have been making it a point to read more fiction. And I’ve read some incredible fiction! There are so many incredible storytellers in our world. I’ve also read a lot of mediocre fiction, which totally has its place, as well. But I noticed the more easy fiction I read, the harder it became to focus on nonfiction. And then I started reading easy nonfiction, with more conversational tones and format.

I was critiquing a book I had just started and Frank asked, Why are you reading that? You have another book about the same topic that’s meatier. Why don’t you just read that one?

Since life really is too short to read books I don’t love, I returned the other book to the library. It’s not a bad book – in fact it’s perfect for its intended audience, but at this moment in life, I’m not that audience. I picked up the thicker tome with thinner pages and smaller font and have set about reading it.

It’s harder. And my brain hurts more. But, already I recognize how much better this is for me at this point. I’ve taken a break and indulged in really great and really fluffy books, which was fun. And now I need something meatier. It’s a reminder that I should probably be a little more intentional about balancing the books I’m reading – whether it’s a heavy nonfiction with fun fiction or more thoughtful fiction with lighter nonfiction. All are good but, like food, they’re good when balanced and moderate.

This link to food and reading has made me pause and wonder what other areas of my life I’m off-balance a bit. What small recalibration would make certain activities healthier? I’m looking at our family’s schedule and we have a lot of really good commitments and activities. But we also have a limited amount of time. How do we balance those? What season are we in, where certain groups makes sense and others don’t? I’m looking at my exercise routine (or lack thereof) and am wondering how I can make small changes to my priorities and schedule to fit more of that into my days.

Like I said, I think there’s a time and place and necessity for fun, easy, fluffy foods, reads, and activities. And there’s a season for weightier and healthier ones. I’m remembering to take some time to asses and look at all areas and choose small changes that make sense.

I like the idea of fall-housekeeping for lifestyle choices. I’m remembering that it’s never too late to start a new habit. That I don’t need to wait until the start of the school year or January or the first of the month or Monday. I can start tomorrow or at 2:00 in the afternoon. Small changes happen any time, and I’m looking for opportunities.

How do you balance the meat and veggies of life? Do you have to stop and be intentional or does this happen naturally for you?

Saying Yes to Jammies and Self-Care

Today is looking different than planned. We’re home, rather than on a last road trip and I was planning on laundry, cleaning, maybe a park, but definitely a quiet day. Bea woke up looking tired and complaining of a hurting tummy. I tried all the tricks – eating breakfast, drinking water, did she go to the bathroom?

IMG_6064And then I remembered the power of a mental health day. Maybe Bea really is feeling off. Maybe she’s just tired. Kindergarten has been one huge transition for us and day after day of routine can be too much for a five-year-old.

Growing up, my parents always encouraged mental health days, though I was too much of a “perfect student” to feel comfortable taking one. I knew I wanted to listen to my kids when they needed time off, to encourage rest and rejuvenation. How else do we model self-care and Sabbath-living?

So, we’re here, in our jammies, with no plans. Maybe a movie? Definitely the grocery store. Our deal was naptime so that I could get a few minutes of rest, too.

School is important and valued in our home but I want my girls to know that they are valued and important, as well. That we all need days off and I’m here to support them in all their popcorn and movie day needs.

How do you deal with mental health days and school? Any tricks to knowing for sure what an “upset tummy” is? And more importantly, how do you recognize a need for a mental health day for yourself?

Linked with Five Minute Friday, a time to write without editing. Today’s prompt is “support.”

Finding My Place at Home

This summer passed by in a flash. Before we knew it, school started and we were thrown into a routine. Part of me was so ready to get into this rhythm of schedules and the security of knowing what happens on Tuesday. But part of me mourned the fact that we were out of time for one more camping trip; one last swim at the pool; one more lazy day.

IMG_5895I suppose this is what the changing seasons is – an excitement in the new mingled with disappointment of what is lost.

We had a trip to Yellowstone planned for this weekend. Just one more adventure before the weather turned cold. We’d stay in a little cowboy cabin, head down to Jenny Lake one day and up to Lake Hotel and the Geyser Loop the next. Until we saw the forecast for snow. As much as we love northern Wyoming, I didn’t want to be in a cabin without heat or electricity in the snow and rain.

In so many ways, this is probably a good thing. We just got back from a weekend in Ocean City (where it rained!) and are still settling into a good routine. A laid-back weekend is never a bad thing.

Frank grew up going to Ocean City – it’s part of his family history and it was fun watching the girls create a new generation of memories there. All of the cousins go regularly and love it and it was magical watching our landlocked kids chase the waves, dig in the sand, and eat ice cream right before a greasy dinner. Ask any of Frank’s family for a memory of childhood and most likely Ocean City will play a large part of the story.

In a lot of ways, we want Yellowstone to be similar for our kids. Already, Bea remembers hikes we’ve done and geysers we’ve seen. We want this park to be a place of good family memories, the stuff that starts most of our stories.

Last year, I listened to part of a podcast and the phrase, theology of place was used. I don’t remember the exact point or where the conversation went from there, but that idea stuck with me. It’s the theology of tangible moments; of creating a gritty story that you can run through your fingers. It’s finding God in the routines outside of home; in the stories we tell as a family to our children. It’s this idea that our place matters. The locations in which we choose to spend our time matter.

I love the intentionality behind this theology. That our routines matter and that kids have something to look forward to in their vacations. And yet, life gets busy or things happen and that place may look different.

When I reflect on our weekend in Ocean City, our girls loved the physicality of being next to the ocean, yes. But the loved hanging out with their cousins, playing games, reenacting Moana, waking up together, eating every meal together so much more. I need to remember the point behind the place.

I’m learning to look around right now, in our own home. What are we doing to establish a theology of place routine? I remember that for many, an escape to the mountains or the beach is simply not possible. And yet, this family rhythm is still important. What park do we always visit? What pancakes mark rest and vacation? What simple things do we do to remember our place in this world?

I’m not sure if this is exactly what that podcast meant but for me, theology of place is grounding me home and reminding me that our everyday rhythms are as significant as the vacation routines we’ve established, as well.

Where do you find your rhythms? When you think about theology of place, do you think of your home or a destination?

When Breathing is Listening

There’s a lot of noise in the world today. It’s easy to want to throw my voice in, to announce my support or disappointment. But I need to remember to stop and listen. This month’s theme at SheLoves Magazine is “Amplify” and I have the honor to be over there today, reflecting on how we amplify those around us by actively listening. Here’s an excerpt – I hope you’ll join the conversation over at SheLoves!

Annie-Rim-Breathing-is-Listening6A few years ago, I participated in a workshop about active listening. I assumed I was a good listener—I’m attentive, I look people in the eye, I nod along, acknowledging our shared experience. What I did not realize is that this is not, in fact, active listening.

Our guide paired us off and we sat facing each other, both feet planted on the floor, hands on knees, posture straight. We were instructed to look at our partner and listen to them respond to a prompt. While we listened, we could not make any facial expressions, nod our heads, or give affirmative hums. We had to simply listen. Listen without looking for connections, listen without acknowledging a shared experience, listen fully and openly.

What I learned during this exercise is that, while I thought I was fully engaged with others, I was actually looking to insert myself into their life. I was nodding along, showing that I agreed or empathized. In reality, I was making the listening about me, not about them. It was a counterintuitive experience, this practice of fully listening without response.

I don’t think there is anything wrong in looking for connection with others. By finding commonalities and shared experiences, we break down walls and barriers. Finding that link forges friendships and alliances that are important as we learn about others.

But it’s a balance. Especially when I’m listening to those who don’t have a platform or those who are sharing stories of oppression—stories in which I don’t have shared commonalities—I need to stop and actively listen. I need to stop nodding as though I understand and let their words wash over me. I need to ground my feet to this earth, place my hands on my knees, and give full attention to the experiences of my neighbors. Head over to SheLoves to read the rest!

What are ways you actively listen? Are you a doer or a thinker, when it comes to responding to events around you?

Seeing the World Through the Lens of Personality

One year, during our week of inservice and team-building before the school year started, we had an expert on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator give us a test and help us learn to work with people of differing temperaments. Great in theory, but in practice it was the most stressful day for me. I felt boxed in and unheard. My strengths felt diminished and each type was presented in an extreme scenario, making me feel that I didn’t fit anywhere. From that day, I’ve always been squeamish about the MBTI.

20480007_10155076767049825_9027085380737922879_nI love taking those silly personality tests, though and am always interested to see which vacation I should go on or which literary character I’m most like. I connect with StrengthsFinder and the Love Languages and find those types invaluable in my relationships. But I wouldn’t call myself a personality junkie – I’ve stayed firmly away from Myers-Briggs and the Enneagram sounded a little too woo-woo for me.

Until…. I read Anne Bogel’s Reading People: How Seeing the World Through the Lens of Personality Changes Everything. Anne is a well-read personality junkie but she doesn’t espouse one particular type over any others. She highlights the significance of each and the ways that each personality framework can help in different areas of our lives. In Anne’s signature gentle manner, she dismantles each framework into easily understandable language and uses.

Part memoir, part how-to, Reading People reminded me of the importance of knowing myself. Because Anne so brilliantly breaks down each framework, she made it easy for me to “type” myself without the need for an online test. Some frameworks need the tests (think StrengthsFinder) but most can be done by gut instinct and reading. Because of Anne’s descriptions, I was able to come to a better understanding of my Myers-Briggs type and found the descriptors accurate and freeing.

Anne gave me permission to throw out those semi-accurate tests and really delve into personality on my own. This helped me understand the various typings so much more than if I had blindly let the results define me. Over and over, Anne reminds her reader that personality tests are not meant to box people into stereotypes that don’t fit. They’re meant to open up the world and help us see ourselves and those around us more clearly.

If you are a personality framework fan or if you have always wanted to explore these tests more but just didn’t know where to begin, I’d highly recommend Reading People!

20622024_10155076767089825_5788559411035682335_nFor Fun… Anne created a Reading Personality Quiz, linking readings styles to personality frameworks. I took it twice (of course) and got Explorer and English Professor, which are both accurate.

Reading People releases on September 19! If you preorder a copy before then, send your receipt to ReadingPeopleBook.com for a free download of the audio version and access to Anne’s Reading Personality Class, which explores the types from her personality quiz in more depth.

Do you like personality frameworks? What’s your favorite or the one you’ve most connected with? Did you take the Reading Personality Quiz – what were your results?

As a member of the Reading People launch team, I received an advance copy of the book from the publisher. All views are my own.

The Platinum Rule

We’ve all heard the Golden Rule: “Treat others the way you want to be treated.” While that rule is a good start, I’ve always been a bigger fan of the Platinum Rule: “Treat others the way they want to be treated.”

heart-1567215_960_720Living life by the Platinum Rule means setting aside my own preconceived ideas for what others need and want. It forces me to stop and listen, to put aside my own life experience and allow others to fully live out their own life experience.

When I treat others the way they want to be treated, I put aside my notions of historical significance to manmade objects and listen to how people feel when they see oppression objectified.

When I treat others the way they want to be treated, I put aside my own reality of comfort and safety and listen to how people feel unsafe walking in their neighborhoods, driving on the other side of town, living their daily lives.

When I treat others the way they want to be treated, I put aside an ideal that learning a new language is an easy thing and I listen to stories of learning three or four other languages before tackling English.

When I treat others the way they want to be treated, I recognize that my marriage and family fit into societal norms and I listen to the heartbreak of families not recognized by their churches and faith communities.

There’s been a lot in the news the past couple days about how we want others to live their lives – from the distribution of resources in a crises to the way we choose to interpret the Bible that cuts out whole sections of the population, we are living the way we want to be treated. My rights are so rarely infringed upon that I can easily treat others how I want to be treated because society treats me pretty well.

But when I treat others how they want to be treated, that can make me uncomfortable. It can force me to recognize that my neighbors want to be treated with dignity because their rights are often diminished. It forces me to recognize that my LGBTQ friends want to worship without condemnation because they are so often shut out of the community of God. It forces me to recognize that our system is built on a history of racism and oppression and that I have both directly and indirectly benefited from this.

Treating others the way they want to be treated doesn’t make me less than. Building others up and honoring their experiences doesn’t diminish my own or rewrite history. I think about the way Jesus lead by example, how time and again he treated the “other” with dignity and respect. He didn’t treat them the way society demanded but with grace and love. How can I do any less?

How do you honor those whose experiences are different from your own? What are some ways you’ve learned to listen to the experiences of others?