Measuring Mothering Success

When I was a teacher, my success was measured every day. I could chart my students’ progress and had formal assessments to verify my findings at least three times per year. Even though it was stressful to always be putting a number on my teaching, I had few doubts as to my successes or failures with my methodology and practices.

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Success = Choreographed dances

Motherhood has no such outcome chart. I flail wildly through the days, hoping that somehow these two girls turn out okay. We do things I think will be beneficial to creating productive members of society: Reading books, going to museums, waiting in line, learning to entertain ourselves. But who knows? All this effort could result in success or possibly a huge disaster.

Ultimately, I have to do stuff and then open up my hands and let them go. I have to trust that the hours of attention to table manners and cleaning up will translate when Bea is at school or at a friend’s house. I have to hope that stopping to correct or affirm behaviors will somehow make them stick.

As a maximizer, I thrive on that measured success: I need to know areas of improvement or areas that I can continue to build a strength. I want to take something from good to awesome.

At work, I always looked forward to principal evaluations. Even at the museum, when my boss observes me, I like debriefing afterwards and talking about areas for improvement. Sometimes I wish someone could observe my mothering and give me a measured plan for further improvement. The problem is that, what are we basing our findings on? How can we accurately measure the success of craft time or quiet rest time?

That’s where faith and trust and community come into important play. It’s not that I compare my mothering to my friends but that there’s a spirit of camaraderie in this season. The power of me too! is especially important right now, when I wonder if I’m going crazy.

Maybe I’ll never be able to measure the success of my mothering. When would that happen? At 18? 25? 42? Even though it goes against my personality, this immeasurable success has rounded out the sometimes-harsh edges of always looking for the best. I’m learning, not necessarily to settle for mediocre, but to live life a bit more openly, and a bit more trustfully.

How do you measure your success as a parent? How do you respond to observations and constructive criticism?

livin

This post is Day 8 of the Write 31 Day Challenge. I’m spending the month of October writing about the StrengthsFinder test. You can find the entire series over at Live Your Strengths page.

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6 thoughts on “Measuring Mothering Success

  1. I love this and can so identify! I so want there to be objective measures to show me how I am doing as a mom. If you find some other than daily faithfulness to show up and do the work… I’d love to hear them.

  2. You don’t stick with the easy ones do you Annie? I don’t like to look at parenting as success or fail. There should be something more than measuring it as if we we’re taking a math test. Though I don’t have what that is. I wouldn’t have been a good mom for my friends kids but I was the best mom for our kids. Even in areas that weren’t my strength, I knew I was a good mom to our kids. Of course social media wasn’t around either.

    1. I always have to remember that: I am God’s chosen mother for Bea and Elle. Especially when I get discouraged, I remind myself of this…. I guess that’s the thing with humans (and one could argue, the state of educational testing these days as well…) – it’s hard to accurately measure success. Thank God for grace!

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