Care

September was a rough month for us. The biggest reason is that it started with a miscarriage. As far as they go, this was a healthy, “normal” miscarriage and it followed almost exactly what our doctor suggested we could expect. In that sense, it was a relief: Nothing terribly wrong, just a statistic of pregnancy. Of course, it was still devastating as we mourned the loss of someone we were so excited for. And there are still days when that sadness comes, unexpectedly.

What I am most amazed by from this experience is the care we received. I was hesitant to share the news – it hurt and it seemed so awkward to tell people. I do have a couple friends who have suffered miscarriages and I immediately reached out to them. They quickly came to us, taking care of us. Beyond the promise of I’ll be praying for you, they brought meals and asked questions, and dug into our story. They knew how to draw me out and knew how to process the experience with me.

Through this, I learned so much about community. That our friends want to share life with us – not just in the happy moments but in these tough moments. That it takes vulnerability to not only talk about sad events but to accept help offered. I wanted to do it on my own – to not accept play dates or help, but I quickly realized that this is a real loss and it’s ok to let others care for me.

Above all, I learned the incredible value of community. I learned that it is worth the time and effort to create space for others, to let them in, and to walk together through all of the experiences life gives us.

I find it easy to give care but harder to receive it. How about you? Are you more comfortable giving care or have you learned the art of receiving, as well?

Linked with Kate Motaung’s Five Minute Friday, a time to write without editing.

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17 thoughts on “Care

  1. Annie, I am so sorry for your loss but I praise God that you have friends who were there to love you and care for you. What a blessing. Praying for you as you mourn and heal and thank you for sharing such a vulnerable part of your life. I know that your openness will be used to bless others as well. -Abby (visiting from FMF)

    1. Thanks, Abby! I debated sharing this, but found it so helpful to know of others who had experienced this loss, too… It’s not something that’s often shared. Thanks so much for stopping by!

  2. I am so sorry for your loss. It is so beautiful when we find a strong caring community to lift us up in those times of grief. Prayers for you as you continue to heal.

  3. Annie, I am so, so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. We walked through that many years ago. The ache of knowing we have to wait till we get to heaven to meet that sweet baby is so sapping sometimes. I’m so glad you have friends, community, who came alongside you during your initial days of grieving. Having others care for us is humbling, isn’t it? I’m with you. It’s much easier for me to extend care than to receive it. But there is beauty in the receiving as well. And it gives us a chance to let others be blessed in the caring. I so appreciate your transparency here.

  4. I’m the same way. I would rather give care than receive it. When I have to receive care, it comes with a lot of guilt and unworthiness. I guess because growing up, any care I received was because someone had to, not because they wanted to. I just feel like I’m hurting someone with my needs.

    I insulted a friend today who helped with something. I actually asked her, “So you’re not going to hold this over my head are you?” I had to be up front and let her know this happens to be a lot and I didn’t want it to happen again. She was very upset with me. That’s just how it goes sometimes.

  5. So sorry to hear about your loss [I know how it feels]. Lovely post. Yes, I confess, also, that I find it much easier to give care than to receive [it’s something I’m working on].

  6. I actually find it hardest to be around the people that “don’t know” during times of grief. Revealing your miscarriage is a brave and vulnerable step but I hope it helps you heal all the more. I’m so sorry for this loss and sadness you’ve been through. I’m so glad to know that friends have been your comfort. I look forward to our group get together at your house this week. 🙂

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